Monday, December 28, 2009

Nervous Tension


Yep, that's snow. It was beautiful for a little while but no accumulation. What you see on the ground here is all we still have.
We're still on pins and needles waiting for the call for hubby to get back to work. The wait kills me. I occupy some time each day in the kitchen, creating breads and other edibles but I end up with my mind wandering, worrying.
Winter is always a rough time for me. The chores revolve around keeping the animals fed and watered and not much else. Winters here are either muddy or covered in ice.
It's just 6 weeks until I can get started with seeds for the coming garden. 6 weeks seems like a long way off when you're sitting here, waiting. I already have all my peat pellets and ziplocs lined up, waiting on seeds. It's hard to resist the temptation to start a few, just so I have something to tend to. The constant overcast days are really contributing to the feeling of melancholy I'm experiencing. Of course, the lack of charge going into the battery packs from the solar panels is non existent and now I'm worrying about how to pay the electric bill I'm going to have too.
The dwarf bananas are still a month or so away from making their little nanners and the coffee plants are still hanging on after the temperature shock they got. I fuss over them each day but that only takes around 10 minutes of my day. Then I walk past my quilting projects, not being able to finish those with no fabric. I'd do some construction work in the house but again, I'm stopped by lack of supply funds. This feeling is really a weird one for me.
This year, coming to a close, is one I'm glad to see gone. Farewell and good riddance! Everything we've done this year has been a fight. Even the garden was a real project with the constant spring rains and the never ending weed growth, crop failures and late harvests. Plus the equipment failures thanks to my own stupidity of letting a neighbor use them. boy, did that put us behind in our bills, trying to get that stuff running again. Lesson learned the hard way there. The loss of the hay due to the equipment failure was a bit costly too. That was all our profit hay lost so on top of a poor year economically, the money we needed to make it thru the winter never came. So, goodbye 2009, not sorry to see you go.
I'm not sorry I chose to live this way and every year isn't a good one, that's just part of it. This little self sustained farm is a ton of work, the rewards are just sometimes better, sometimes not so great. One bright spot of even a bad year is the food we have to eat. Even tho the harvest, the hay and the baby critter production was poor this year, we still have plenty to eat for ourselves. So, that is a bright spot because feeding ourselves is the whole point.
So, as I sit here and squirm, worrying about the future, I can still have a little something to fill my belly and then worry some more..........

6 comments:

  1. I too will not be sorry to see 2009 go... I think its been a hard year for many of us. Here is to hoping 2010 is better than we are hoping!

    Debbie

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  2. From a self sustaining farm standpoint, I think 2010 will be better. Mostly because everything else is gonna get much, much worse... Here's hoping y'all have a good year.

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  3. I'm with ya Debbie!

    LOL, Hey Mayberry, glad you stopped in to give me a smile! I see it getting much worse for all of us too but I think I'm ready...

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  4. Keep your chin up. You have family who loves you, land which is yours (and more than a 40' x 100' plot), food in the pantry and animals to keep providing. VERY blessed given our current economic conditions!

    Every year offers blessings and challenges....it is in the challenges we learn, not only how to improve our surroundings and our success, but learn who we are, what we are made of and can be truly grateful for God's blessings.

    Know how grateful I am for your blog; your trials, successes, hopes and dreams give ALL of us hope. We learn from you while trying our best to encourage you, perhaps not as often as we should!

    And yes - I'm glad to see 2009 go and am looking forward to 2010. I am hoping and praying we get our "homestead" and can increase our self-reliance. I've made quite a list of things to learn, and improve on.

    Most importantly, I'm praying our family remain together, healthy, happy and whole. No matter where we land!

    I pray you, and all you love, are blessed in 2010 - with good health, new friends, dreams fulfilled and abundant success in your harvests!

    MaMaBear in the Mitten

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  5. MammaBear, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Boy, do I need a some of that today. We're hanging on here, not much else we can do, eh? Thank you for the prayers, they're greatly appreciated!

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  6. I am also glad to see 2009 go, because that means the time for my darling man to return from Iraq (where he is currently deployed) is that much closer!
    Funny, this has been a fairly good year for me--by my reckoning! Mainly because I was able to spend so much time with my fella before he left!
    I love Winter, by the way. I love the cold, I love going outside in the chill air, I love how the stars seem so much brighter in the night sky in winter.
    I love nights curled up with seed catalogs, dreaming of gardens yet to be born. The expectations are always better than the eventual reality, but I can still dream!
    I love wearing sweaters and mittens, I love wearing warm cozy hats.
    Summer?
    Ugh!
    It is horrible here on the Gulf Coast. Mosquitos that can carry off cattle and every creepy crawly from the area swamps trying to hide away from the unbearable heat coming into the house or into the shade of the porch. The heat and humidity here guarantee you will be drenched in sweat five minutes after leaving the safety of an air conditioned room. I am miserable all summer.

    Thank goodness we are planning on moving to Vermont next year!

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